Surgeries Post op

Well needless to say sleep is hard to come by for the fact that I am literally afraid to close my eyes. Just sitting outside today I started freaking out cause I feel something is out to get me. I'm sure it doesn't help that I over analyze things and get to worked up over them but this is how I feel. This is who I am....and since I had to have one of my surges twice that doesn't help. Why? I am sure you are asking.... It was because a piece of metal was left in my head making me have to start off at square A not only once but twice.

So now ya see? As recovery anxiety a lot of headaches, light , and sound sensitivity normal things from brain surgery except for like PTSD left behind or something. Which hopefully will go away. I got to see my baby yesterday for Easter and that's all I cared about. My eye freaked her out a bit. But I got to spend about an hour and a half with her today and it seemed like a lot but baby steps back into something like that ya know. Just getting used to one eye use has been something else. Lillie was great though... She kept asking me you get a new eye? You get your eye fixed? Which was so cute because she really is concerned even at 3.

As far as the tumor goes it is benign. Great for me but my first oncologist says to do chemo and radiation and everything I have read just to do radiation that chemo makes it come back quicker and more aggressive. So I'm thinking about having the slides sent down here to 21st Oncology and then to Jacksonville to have the proton therapy peeps up there see what they say also. Just a lot if stress.

Shawn has been great through out this whole thing. He has been my rock when I needed something to hold me up strong. Especially after surgery the first time was horrible. Puked all the time thought my brain was going to explode. Through the crying the puking multiple surgeries and
hallucinogenics they had me on. ( which made me think that I was on an assembly line in a factory being processed for packaging) So multiple times and having vital monitors fall on my knees and metal fragments in my head and some horrible nurse when I wanted to get cleaned up a little it. Came in dropped wipes in my lap and said ill be back in 15 minutes to help you with your hair. All while I have 2 iv's in and only one eye to see out of.

Yea so I'm am very glad to be home just wished I'm not afraid to close my eyes!